


Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

by Clevercookie101



Category: ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Flash Fic, Gen, Gender Confusion, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Princess Dongju, Supportive Hyung Youngjo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:02:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22998895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clevercookie101/pseuds/Clevercookie101
Summary: Dongju likes being treated like a princess. He likes wearing dresses and bows. While the members think nothing of it, Dongju is starting to question if it means something more.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 58





	Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a quick thing I wrote when I was feeling extra depressed about my gender dysphoria. I thought it’d be good to express my feelings through my writing. 
> 
> TW: This fic addresses gender and gender dysphoria/identity crisis. If this makes you uncomfortable, please do not read.

Dongju wanted to be a princess. The members thought it was cute, would coo and him and tell him he’s prettier than Belle from  _ Sleeping Beauty.  _ They never thought anything past that. But Dongju did. 

He wondered, why a princess? Why not a prince? All kids dream of being royalty, yet the other members have only expressed wanting to be Prince Charming or a knight in shining armor. But Dongju was infatuated with the concept of frilly dresses and kingdoms swooning for him. He never once thought about wielding a sword, only wielding a glass slipper. 

For a while he ignored it. That feeling in his gut that something just wasn’t right. He let the members coddle him, treat him like a princess, kiss his hands and call him “the fairest of them all.” He just laughed it off and let them tease him. 

But something started to change. He couldn’t ignore that feeling in his gut when Keonhee and Hwanwoong brought him home a princess costume for Halloween. It had been a joke at first, but Dongju accepted it gratefully and immediately put the dress on. That moment when he first looked at himself in the mirror changed everything. 

He saw the poofy sleeves, the frilly bows, the long skirt and it felt…right. He did a few twirls in the mirror, giggling at how the bell of the skirt glittered in the lights. He paused again to examine how the waist of the dress hugged his narrow hips perfectly, giving him the illusion of a more feminine figure. 

He knew then that he could never go back. He couldn’t explain the feeling, all he knew was that he felt more comfortable and confident in that dainty dress. His mood suddenly shifted at the realization. What did it mean? He’s never felt more confident, but why? What about this skirt and hair bow makes him feel better than a suit and deep V-neck would? 

Worse he was worried. He was scared. It was wrong to feel like that, wasn’t it? What sort of man puts on a skirt and is happy about it? He knew his brother would throw a fit if he had to wear one. What would his members think? The fans? Would they tease him for looking so feminine? Call him mean names because he enjoys wearing a dress? He knew society wouldn’t be happy. Korea is so conservative, they’d never let a man wear a dress happily and get away with it. If the public saw him now, there’d be articles written about him that would forever taint ONEUS’s reputation. 

So he hid. He came out of the bathroom and laughed along with his members. He faked a cringed expression at the comments that he looked “pretty enough to be a girl,” when in reality he didn’t mind the phrase. He wore the dress with jeans and a t-shirt underneath so no fans would think he was too committed to wearing the dress for Halloween. It was just a gag costume, nothing more. After Halloween, he tucked the dress away deep in his closet arguing it wasn’t worth donating because no girl would fit into his size, even though he had a cousin in Busan who’d fit into it perfectly. 

He was always last to bed, and while the lack of sleep was harmful, the alone time he got was much appreciated. Late at night when the other members were asleep was the only time he could sneak away, pull out that dress, and put it on. Twirl around the dorm pretending to be a princess. Princess Ju, waiting for her Prince Charming to rescue her. He twirled around and around, reenacting his favorite scenes from Disney princess movies. 

He was knocked out of his fantasy when a loud crash rang throughout the room. He looked down and noticed the books that Youngjo had stacked on the coffee table before bed were scattered on the floor. Dongju froze when he saw a light turn on in the hallway. 

“Ju? Is that you?” It was Youngjo. 

“Y-Yes, hyung?”

“Are you alright? I heard a crash and wanted to make sure you were ok.” Youngjo emerged from the hallway. His eyes were still closed and he had a blanket—Dongju’s blankie—draped over his shoulders. He brushed the bangs from his eyes, “You should really be going to bed soon—” Youngjo’s sentence ends abruptly when his eyes flutter open to see Dongju holding the hem of his dress, eyes wide.

A deer caught in headlights. 

Youngjo blinked a few times as if he was unsure if he was hallucinating or not. He hadn’t seen that dress in months, frankly he thought it was sitting in RBW’s storage never to be seen again. 

There’s no way Dongju could hide what he was wearing, even the dim hallway light reached the sparkles on the dress. He bit his lip as he awaited Youngjo’s scolding. He waited to be called offensive words. 

But all he got was a simple question, “Why are you wearing that?” 

Dongju didn’t understand why, but he broke into tears at that simple question. Youngjo shuffled over quickly, arms coming around Dongju’s waist. He whispered gently in Dongju’s ear, trying to sound comforting and calm. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to, I just want you to get some rest.” 

Dongju continued to sob in Youngjo’s arms, using the blankie as a tissue to wipe his tears. Youngjo just held him, not forcing him to speak, not even acting as if he expected a response, just patting Dongju’s head gently to try and comfort him. 

Eventually, Dongju’s sobs subsided and he only suffered a gentle sniffle between breaths. He counted the number of heartbeats Youngjo produced until his breathing slowed back to normal. 

“Hyung, are you mad?”

“Why would I be?”

“To find your bandmate enjoys dressing as a girl? Isn’t that wrong?” 

Youngjo’s response is immediate, as if he’s been planning it his whole life, “Ju, I don’t care what you do as long as you’re happy and healthy. That includes dressing up every now and then.” 

“But it’s not every now and then, it’s every night. When you all fall asleep, I sneak away and put on this sinful thing and enjoy it. I enjoy wearing a dress. I enjoy pretending to be a girl.” 

“And that’s ok, Ju. I love you no matter what.” He places a chaste kiss on Dongju’s forehead. 

“But why? I should be disgusted with myself for wanting to look and act feminine. I’m a guy, I should be tough right?” 

Youngjo paused to think about what he wanted to say next, “Dongju, I think this is more than just dressing up.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Can I ask you some things? If they’re too personal, you can just ignore me. You don’t even need to speak, just nod or shake your head.” 

“Ok, hyung.” 

“Do you do this often? As in dressing up feminine.”

Nod. 

“Do you imagine you’re a girl, being treated like a girl?”

Another nod. 

“Are you more comfortable in traditionally feminine clothes versus the traditionally masculine ones?”

Nod. 

“Are you disheartened by the fact you’re born male? Do you feel uncomfortable in your given body?” 

One final nod. 

“Dongju, have you ever heard of gender dysphoria?”

Dongju’s breath hitched. He was scared, he had never heard the term but it sounded serious. “What does that mean?” 

“It means you feel like you’re in the wrong body. That it doesn’t match up to the gender you portray or want to portray yourself as. Does that sound right, Ju?” 

“I-I don’t know. I never considered myself a girl, I just like being treated like a princess. But I don’t hate the clothes the stylists pick for me either. I feel ok in both.” 

“It’s ok if you don’t understand right now, but I think it’s something to consider. You can define it how you want, you don’t have to be just male or female. There’s always in-between like non-binary or genderfluid. You should read about it more, maybe it will help you understand what you’re feeling.” 

A pregnant pause. “Y-You won’t tell others about this?”

“Only if you want me to.”

“I think, for now, it can stay a secret. I’m still not entirely sure what I feel…”

“That’s ok, Ju, you can figure it out. I’m here if you need to talk to anyone. I’ll always support and love you unconditionally.” 

“Thank you hyung, I love you too.” Dongju placed a quick kiss on Youngjo’s cheek. 

Youngjo giggled because it tickled before wrapping the blankie around Dongju. “Come on, let’s get some sleep.” 

“Ok, but let me change first.” 

“You can wear one of my shirts if you’d like? They’re long enough to be a dress on you but the others won’t question it.”

“Really, you’d let me?” 

“Of course, Ju. Whatever makes you happy.” 

Dongju smiled for the first time that night as Youngjo buttoned him up in a flannel that was several sizes too large. The sleeves dangled past his hands and the hem reached well beyond mid-thigh. 

Then Youngjo guided Dongju back into the bedroom and tucked him in. He purposely put Dongju on his bed so he could slide next to him and hold his hand. Dongju curled into him more and more throughout the night. 

He felt safe. He felt comfortable. He felt accepted. Even if he himself didn’t understand that feeling, he knew he had unconditional support either way. 

It was ok that he didn’t understand the feeling. It was ok that he wasn’t ready to tell the others. It was ok because what mattered was that he was happy and healthy. 

**Author's Note:**

> Note: If you are suffering from gender dysphoria, I urge you to talk to someone. It’s ok to feel alone or trapped in a body you don’t feel is right, but you don’t need to suffer alone. There are people out there willing to talk to you, ways to dress that will make you more comfortable, and surgery/hormone therapy if you feel it is necessary. It doesn’t matter what others think, what matters is you are confident, healthy, happy, and comfortable. Live your best life and be true to yourself.
> 
> Thank you for reading!! Kudos, comments, etc. are very appreciated. 
> 
> Come yell at me on twt @Clevercookie101


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